For one I HATE going to anything by myself. I mean literally hate it! I’ve always tagged along with someone and been their shadow. In Jr. High I went to the High School youth group at church with my older sister just so I didn’t have to go to the Jr. High one by myself. Not that I would label myself a follower, I just liked/like to have a moral supporter with me. The thought of making conversation still gives me anxiety. I’m just not good at it. But man let me tell you once you do get to know me you’re gonna think “what the heck you don’t ever shut up!”
So here’s the problem with blogging that I have. Seems like I have to have this right? I’m a photographer and a photographer has a website, blog and facebook page. Ok so the website is easy, just write a nice little bio about yourself and put your best work on it and BAM you really only have to revisit it here and there to update new photos. Ok got that, DONE! Facebook gets a little more personal but not too bad. For one Facebook only allows you to write so much in a post so I don’t necessarily need to sit down and get too personal. Just upload a handful of photos of my recent session and DONE! Now here comes the blog. Hmmmm runs through my head. Do I have time for this? Will anyone follow? Heck will anyone click on the link? Am I even interesting? I don’t even know if my parents have looked at my website. YIKES! So I’ve left the blog untouched.
Getting back to where I started this post to the speaking engagement with Jasmine Star. As I sat there I felt my reason for being there was like non other in that room. Sure it was awesome to sit amongst other talented people and listen to a woman who in 6 years has created this incredibly successful wedding photography business and tours the country inspiring little people like me who doesn’t even come sort of close to that. But what stuck out to me the most as I sat there was the sweet voice the Lord was whispering in my ear. A voice that I have been ignoring for years thinking “I don’t need you I got this.” Clearly I don’t “got this” and I knew it for a long time. But dang I don’t like giving up control and I know the Lord was asking me to do that. So I ignored Him.
As I listened to Jasmine talk about doing this and don’t do that and as I listened to the struggles and questions other photographers had for her I kept thinking, “ya ok thats nice but that’s still not what I need.” Then I heard the Lord whisper “get back to the basics.” Basics? I thought. “Hmmm ok I am not going back to school! Please tell me I’m not going way back to the basics of school!” I yelled in my head. As I continued to listen to the Q & A I kept going back to the afternoon I sat in the bookstore where I worked 5 years ago at the Packinghouse Church. I was at a point of complete surrender to God and where He wanted me to go next. I had already spent 2 1/2 years in college studying EMT and then Athletic Training and I was lost. I had no desire for any of those directions or any direction really at all. And because dropping out of school or even taking a break from college was not an option and semester registration was the next week I pleaded, begged and demanded God to give me an answer! Thankfully God isn’t a brat like me and He gently told me to be quiet and listen. So I did. Then I heard Him say “I want you to write.” Ya ok well that definitely wasn’t coming from my head because I could barely pass my English courses with a C. What did I do when I heard that? I stopped being quiet of course and started demanding answers again. I wanted God to explain why He was just now leading me down this direction after I wasted years of schooling! Again gently I felt Him reminding me that I never asked where He wanted me to study. Oops duh He was right. I didn’t ask. I assumed when I graduated high school that because I like blood and gore and didn’t want a career inside that I would become a paramedic.
The point of this rambling is to remind myself to get back to the basics. When God revealed writing to me that afternoon I no longer doubted Him. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that I would go for it and not look back. So I changed my major again to writing. Everyone in my life was so incredibly confused by this. My dad told me, “well Di that’s great but I’ve read your English papers.” And my mom begged me not to be a writer. All valid emotions because when I told everyone I’m gonna be a writer with enthusiasm and excitement, their next question was always, “ok so what are you gonna do with that?” My answer, “I don’t know God hasn’t told me that part.” Sounds so crazy and foolish I know. As I sit here and write this long post about the Lord speaking to me I’m imagining people thinking, ok she’s crazy! But you have to know God and have a personal relationship with Him to really understand when I say “He whispered to me.”
So that’s where I’m at now getting back to the basics. God didn’t tell at the beginning of all this to be a photographer, He told me to be a writer. And because I trust His calling I’m gonna go for it and write. I have had the honor to have a published story in Cal State Fullerton’s magazine in 2008 so that makes me legit right? Of course I’m not gonna lay down my camera and say sayonara and just write, but I am gonna say hello to the keyboard and write the stories that are behind the faces that I photograph.
My first entry that I am really excited and terrified to write will be of my dear friends Connor and Ashley Thompson.
My hope and prayer through this blog is that you would be able to get to know me more and the beautiful lives of those I photograph. I am truly blessed to be following God’s plan for my life and getting to know people I would never have the courage to talk to if it were not for a camera!
If you have taken the time to read this, I love you and thank you ;)
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