Watching Mr. & Mrs. Duggar on 19 Kids and Counting teach their 18 month old how to hold a baby because they were expecting baby number 20 gave Ashley a sense of desire for the same interaction to teach her 20 month old daughter Eden. For the past few days she had been wondering if she too was pregnant. “Connor I think you should go get a pregnancy test,” she insisted.
Moments later she announced, “We’re going to have to buy Eden a baby doll.” Connor sat motionless and speechless. Wanting to be excited they couldn’t get passed the dark fear that sat in their hearts. “I’m scared,” Connor confessed as he held his crying wife.
Two months before finding out they were expecting baby number two Ashley was in her 9th week of pregnancy. Visiting the Pregnancy Resource Center where they had volunteered, they had an ultrasound done to see their baby. Excited to get a glimpse, they waited anxiously for the tech to update them on their baby. Having difficultly with the ultrasound, the tech asked Ashley to drink more water. The tech tried again. Connor was waiting outside the room as Ashley had another ultrasound done.
“I’m not suppose to legally tell you this, but I think something is wrong and you need to call your doctor,” the tech explained. All Ashley could say as she walked out of the room to meet Connor was “It’s too early.” Together they went into a separate room with a friend and the news of a possible miscarriage hit Ashley and she began to sob uncontrollably. Connor was silent. “God I pray for your peace and love to be over Connor and Ashley…” their friend prayed. They left with hope and reminded themselves that it isn’t true until it happens.
After many more ultrasounds and blood tests at the hospital, it was confirmed that Ashley was indeed in the process of miscarrying. In only a few days after finding out there was no baby growing, on April 11, 2011 Ashley miscarried in the bathroom of the hospital.
“Why God? I’m not strong enough. I can’t do this. Why us? Connor just lost his job now you’re taking our baby away?” Confused, angry and sad Ashley cried out to God wanting answers. As the reality of no longer being pregnant hit Ashley, all she could do was cling to the hope and truth of God’s promises to her. “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand,” Isaiah 41:10.
As time passed, peace overwhelmed her, she began to believe what Isaiah wrote in chapter 41. She started to see God’s gentle hand in the miscarriage. They surrounded themselves with loved ones and continued life as loving parents to their daughter Eden.
Sitting on the couch after finding out she was pregnant for the third time, Ashley couldn’t stop herself from the inevitable thoughts of panic and fear. She didn’t want to become attached again. She needed to guard her fragile heart.
Thoughts of doubt flooded her mind. ” Will we love her the same as Eden? How are we going to afford this? Are we trying to put this pregnancy into our own hands?” With severe complications during the first two trimesters of this pregnancy, Ashley couldn’t stop the fear that seemed to drown her heart.
“Fear not, for I am with you…” Isaiah 41 would comfort and continue to remind her of God’s presence.
On February 17th Zoe Joy Thompson was born. Embracing their new daughter, Connor and Ashley cried, thanked God and couldn’t imagine life without their two sweet daughters.
As life with their new family finally seemed to be settling in, they received a call from the hospital informing them that Zoe’s blood tests at birth showed an elevated level of ammonia and her kidney’s weren’t filtering correctly pointing to a possible metabolic disease requiring hospitalization.
The familiar sense of fear flooded Connor and Ashley’s hearts once again. After having the second round of tests done, Ashley reached out to her loved ones for immediate prayer. On their way home they received a call that the levels had gone down and Zoe did not need to be hospitalized. They would have to wait another 2 weeks for the remainder of the results to come back.
As they waited for the results of the metabolic testing to come back they prayed for healing. During their prayers, they remembered the meaning of Zoe. “Zoe means life,” they reminded themselves. They knew when they chose her name that it was the perfect name the Lord wanted them to call her. Clinging to her meaning they knew the Lord was promising them she would be ok.
Two weeks turned into four weeks and they finally received the results from the testing. No sign of the metabolic disease!
After a year has past since the miscarriage and as they embrace their daughters, they praise and thank the Lord for His faithfulness and love.
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